Saturday, March 27, 2010

Judgment and Being with what is.

Hello dear readers! I hope this finds you well and happy. Today the topic at hand is judgment of others and being with what is. I have found that many people when dealing with another person that is in distress, especially of an emotional nature are quick to try to "cheer them up" or somehow shift them out of it. What is the reason for this? Many people feel uncomfortable to be with someone who is suffering. Perhaps it triggers their own "stuff" or they are so sensitive that it hurts them personally to see others in pain? I have found for me personally in my counseling career and as an empath I have a hard time dealing with anger and other forceful negative emotion being directed at me, but have learned how to cope with depression, anxiety and grief with a client. Sometimes just being a non-judgmental listening ear is very healing and can actually create a shift in itself.

I have a good example of this. Several years ago I had a client for Reiki/counseling work that was going through a very hard time. She was in a very dysfunctional relationship with a man and it was escalating all the time and had become drama central! Law enforcement had been called out several times, but she still stayed in that toxic situation. Her family and friends were at their wit's end with her. They constantly berated her for her choice of this man and were always trying to bail her out, which she would always decline. Her feelings were being hurt by all of the negativity coming at her from her family and it gave her even more fuel for what had already become a forest fire!

When she came in, I would sit and listen to her. I certainly have a judgmental streak in me just like the next person, but for some reason she made it easy to not judge her. She was a very spiritual, bright and intelligent woman and I could see this in her very clearly. My inner wisdom told me that this was just bad patch she was in and she would be through when she got whatever she needed to get from it. I worked with her a few times and then didn't hear from her for several months. Later that year I got a wonderful phone call from her thanking me profusely for just listening and believing in her ability to solve this issue for herself. She left that toxic relationship and was going to AL-ANON meetings often(her ex boyfriend was a drug addict.) She went on to become a Reiki practitioner herself and even opened up her own healing center a few cities over. She is out there living and thriving and sharing her life-wisdom with others. I am so proud of her!

It often is not easy to deal with emotional pain either in ourselves or in others. That tried and true saying comes to mind, "What you resist, persists." I have certainly found in my own life that running away from an issue or refusing to look at something isn't a great strategy. Denial may buy us a temporary reprieve but never gives us a solution. I have also found that acceptance though sometimes difficult, can have miraculous effects in our lives.

Wishing you peace & starlight in these magical times.


  1. I don't know anyone who hasn't experienced both sides of this conversation at one time or another - the judgement and the desire to "resue" someone or be "rescued" in times of distress. Thank you for your post as a way to remind to ourselves. Sounds like "she", found a wonderful coach/healer to guide her to her own healing. Very nice!

  2. Thank you for your comment my friend!

  3. Spot on, sitting with those dying or grieving, as well as those sitting with me, no greater healing than to have been heard, as is, just heard.

  4. Thank you Beth, very well said my friend. I admire all that you have done and will do for others.

  5. Sometimes you read something that resounds SO LOUD you can not deny any longer. ~B

  6. I am happy to hear that Brandi! Big love to you.

  7. Thanks Irma,

    I found that being judgmental of people closes us off & isn't the best practice. It's hard at times to not be judgmental but once each of us learns to open our hearts to others without judge we will be in a better world.

    I strongly believe that everyone who comes into our lives have a message for us!! If we judge someone our chance of learning that message is greatly reduced.

    Thanks again for your message. I'm glad we found each other.